I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
