We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
