look no pants
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
