I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
