my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
