Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
