Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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