Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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