I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
