How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
