Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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