i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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