I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
