Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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