Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
