My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
