I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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