I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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