you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Another day, another engagement, another cat
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
