my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
