P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
should my penis look like a turkey
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
