Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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