11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
