did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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