She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just found puke in my bra..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
