I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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