the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
