Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
