we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
