Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
