i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
