Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
