the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My vagina just clenched in fear
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
