And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
