Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
