We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
