I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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