If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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