My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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