watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
porn star boner night. come get it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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