She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
