Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
