Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i already hear my dad disowning me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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