I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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