Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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