i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
