umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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