i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
