The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You dont lie about slip and slides
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
