from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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