We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
