So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
